So yesterday afternoon, I went to a nurse practitioner because I have been feeling REALLY sick. I have been aching really bad for the last few days and just couldn’t take it any longer. My head, ears, and throat also were in really bad shape.
*Some background information* I have been aching the last several months. It comes and goes. It is in my knees, wrists, elbows, hips, back, neck, ankles, and pretty much the bones in between my major joints (long bones). It gets so annoying because it gets to hurting pretty bad… And it has begun to be more often in frequency. Also, the last few weeks or month or so I will get this STABBING pain behind my right eye in my head (this is different from the headache that was going along with my ears and throat). It feels almost like there is a knife on the inside of my brain trying to push my eye out of my head. It is a white searing pain. It will last for a few seconds to a couple minutes. I can hardly even think when it happens… It is blinding. I have been leaning towards possible fibromyalgia because this is what a few people (who have it) told me is sounded like but that I needed to get checked out by a doctor… I wanted a referral if possible to see a specialist (is this NP deemed it necessary).
So, I went into this NP’s office with the idea that my head, throat, and ear issues were due to out-of-control allergies causing a possible sinus infection (I haven’t been taking my prescription allergy meds for the last few days and they’ve gotten out of hand). I also went in thinking that I may possibly have the flu which is causing the more-extreme-than-usual aches on top of my general ‘normal’ aches.
After being called back to the nurse’s station, the nurse took down my chief complaint, my medical/surgical history, and allergies. Then my vitals were obtained and recorded. I had a fever of 100.6° F, and my pulse was 130 (which is high for me). Then, I was taken to the room where I was to be seen by the NP. In no time, the NP walked in. She did not appear to be happy. She sat down and let out a large sigh and rubbed her head. I just sat there; barely able to sit still due to the pain from my body.
She said something to the effect of, “Let’s do this. What are you here for?” in a really gruff tone of voice.
I said, “Well, I am really achy and have been for the last several months although it’s been worse the last few days. My ears, throat, and head have been hurting but I also have bad allergies and haven’t been able to take my allergy medicines for the last few days. I take them at night and I have been getting home too late to take them and just skip them because if I take them too late I will not be able to function the next day due to the hangover effect they have. Also, I think I may have a little bit of the flu which is making my achiness 10 times worse than normal.”
She sighed and rolled her eyes, “Get up there.” pointing to a table with a sheet of paper. “I am going to check your ears, nose and throat.” She then used her scope to check my throat and ears and nose and tapped on my face and forehead to check for sinus tenderness. She also felt my glands. My sinuses and glands were tender to touch.
“Your throat is red around the edges and so is your uvula. Your ears have fluid built up. You have a sinus infection and probably have the flu. The pain behind your eye is due to the infection. I have been seeing that a lot lately. Here’s a prescription for a Z-pack.”
“Yeah, I figured I may have a sinus infection or something like that. See, the thing is, I know that this infection is due to my allergies. I had a feeling that this added aching is due to the flu. But, what I want to know is why I have been aching for the last several months. And I have been having this pain in my head for around a month or more now. I have only had these sinus and throat issues for the last few days.”
She chuckled, not in a happy way either and said, “I really am not sure what’s wrong with you. None of your symptoms fit together. What is up with all of these medicines you are on huh? Why are you on them?”
“What do you mean? I am on them because I need them.”
“Why are you on the Wellbutrin, Vyvanse, clonodine, and hydroxizine for?” (She actually named more than these but I won’t list them all…) “And why do you do to the chiropractor? Stop going to him. He isn’t doing any good at all.”
Pretty shocked as to why she would ask this since those are two obvious drugs if you’re in the healthcare field…, “Um… the first two are for depression and ADHD. If I go off of them I feel like crap. I can’t focus and it is horrible. The third one is for sleep and the last one is for my allergies.”
She shook her head, rolled her eyes, and sighed, “Most people outgrow ADHD. Why haven’t you outgrown it yet huh? Why? You shouldn’t need all of these medicines. Have you even ever tried going off of them??”
I was completely shocked. My mental health, especially my ADHD is something that I am ashamed of… I was almost in tears by what she had just said. I replied in a bit of a snarky tone, “Well, you obviously have never heard of adult ADHD. It does exist. And yes, I have gone off of my medicines. If I don’t take them, my thoughts get to racing so fast I can’t think at all. It causes panic attacks and another set of issues entirely which I won’t get into.” … what I wanted to say was that I have been having bad depression and anxiety lately especially since my most recent r*pe and assaults and since therapy has been so bad lately… But, I didn’t say any of that. I already look crazy enough.
She said, “You don’t need all of these medicines. You are on Vyvansem an upper; Welbutrin, a down in a sense; hydroxizine, a downer; clonodine, a downer. There is no reason to be on all of these medicines at these dosages. Your body weight is too low to handle all of these! Chr*st!!! No wonder you are feeling so cruddy. I think you have serotonin overload in your system.”
I was absolutely shocked. I said, “Well, my allergist and psych-med doctor feel I am fine on them, but I will discuss what you have said with them just in case. And I like going to my chiropractor and feel that he helps me.” I was trying not to get defensive and trying not to cry… I was in so much physical pain… It was about 8 or 9 out of 10…
Lastly she said, “Well, all I can tell you is to stop taking your medicines and stop going to the chiropractor. This is all honestly above my expertise and I am not sure what’s wrong with you.”
I was a little pissed to put it nicely. But I replied in a nice tone of voice (well, I tried to), “Well, I can’t stop taking my medicines cold-turkey. I will go into serotonin withdrawals and have a severe depressive episode. I don’t want that. I like going to my chiropractor. And I won’t stop my meds without consulting with my doctors first. I always advise my patients to consult with their doctors before stopping meds. And you still have no idea why I have been aching for the last several months? Other than my medication problems and aversion to stop taking them? Can you give me a referral maybe?”
“No, I don’t think you need a referral. And I have told you what I think. The rest of this ‘stuff’ is your problem to deal with. Not mine. Stop the meds and stop the chiropractor and take the Z-pack.” She said.
“Okay, thanks. Have a great day.” I said… By this time I just wanted to go leave and cry.
She said, “Well, you are welcome although I didn’t really help you much.” At this point she actually sounded nice like she kind of cared. I smiled politely and walked out to the car where my mom was waiting for me where I told her through sobs, what the NP had said.
Then I went and filled my prescription that I was given and started the pack right then. Cried all the way home from the pain I was in and also started feeling extremely nauseous. Once, home managed to eat a few soda crackers. I went to bed early. Woke up this morning, and took another antibiotic pill. Feel SOOO much better today where the head, ears, and throat areas are concerned. I don’t even feel achy. Well, not the flu-like achy anyway. I still have that ‘normal’ general achiness that I tried to tell her about… Oh well.
Oh, and to make matters worse. I have been very depressed lately. I haven’t let it on to anyone though. But I finally broke down Sunday night at my church group thing. I am just really lonely and there have been a lot of changes in my church group. Tyler and Michelle started dating awhile back and will more than likely get married sometime down the road. Jonny and Emily just got engaged and will be getting married in September (a triggering anniversary month for me). Haley and Jacob are moving to Alaska and getting married. Joe just moved away yesterday. Now my friend Katelyn will more than likely be moving away to Norway for good, Lord willing.
I hate to sound like I am bitching… I am not. I am SUPER happy for them all. But, This group is the only reason that I stayed in my hometown. I was thinking to move away from here back in December but then I started going to church and fell in love with my ‘church family’ and felt like I wanted to stay. Now, half of them are getting married and/or moving away. I am so alone and want someone to love and want me. I want to be wanted… Cared about… And now this group feels like it is disintegrating all around me… The one reason I stayed in this town…
Oh, plus I can’t find a f*cking nursing job for the life of me… And now all of these painful problems… And I have been so depressed due to all of this and then this run-in with this NP made it all worse… And of course dealing with these issues with therapy and my past with r*pes and abuse… F*ck it is all too much! I can’t do it…
Sorry for that rambly last bit… Just had to vent.
I am so depressed. And I hurt physically. Thanks for reading if you got this far…
Blessings for you. Have a great day. Sorry for being a Debby Downer.
