Median System?

Never have I ever found something that I completely relate to! I just have been so confused because I feel like I'm not as "real" as other DID'ers since I don't:
•Present the same
•Lose full time
•Don't hear voices (but rather 'feel' them and have their thoughts leaked into me)
•Act as a type of 'filter' in which they act through me as it were
•Feel like a single person (kind of) but made up of several me's, in a way, but yet don't feel fully single
•Feel like I'm fighting with 'myself' but 'not myself' over many things (food, clothes, thoughts, desires, wants, needs, beliefs, etc.) have been called 'indecisive' and 'flaky' due to this but I'm really just battling internally!
•Feel like I am different ages at times and different "roles"
•Am very blended and fluid, not concrete and super formed others

I got this from a site that I linked below. The bottom portion was not written by me but is cited.

"Median - Being neither multiple nor singlet. Many people feel the idea of a continuum from singlethood to plurality to be inaccurate, so are seeking a term to replace mid-continuum.

"Median isn't sharing a common memory or the front having traits of its own or fronting through a body-based filter, that's just a common part of many multiple systems. Median is a fuzzy state between single and multiple, a single identity made up of multiple identities." -- lj-personasystem

Probably the main characteristic distinguishing medians from singlets and multiples is the presence of more than one person in the body, but without the independence of persons in a multiple system. Persons in a median system may be dependent upon a single individual (who may have created them at some point), and unable to exist without that central person. Some people in a hosting situation might think of themselves as median. Others describe something like Kiya's situation, or Adriel's. In her book Black Milk author Elif Shafak talks about her "finger women" (picturing them as tiny replicas of herself); each of them is Elif Shafak, but with distinctive styles and interests. The challenge is to coordinate them all so that all are respected and none is set aside or of lesser importance. She speaks of it as facing her "inner diversity" and learning to "be One."

You might say something like "there are many of us, but we are really all Karen" or "aspects of Karen", etc. Various metaphors have been invoked by median systems to describe their experience, such as a stem with leaves, the spokes of a wheel, pages in a book, or a sun orbited by planets. "Separate cutting tools on a turret lathe...the turret rotates to bring the appropriate tool to the task at hand...or perhaps a microscope with different lenses. Another friend "rotates the jewel" as she says, to showcase different facets."

(Beware: many therapists will tell members of multiple systems that they have no independent validity but are really all aspects of the frontrunner or host, or whomever he (the therapist) believes to be such. "You're really all Karen, you know." If you do not feel that this is true for your system, be true to your experience before taking a therapist's word for it -- he is, after all, outside your system, and very probably a singlet, one who has never experienced multiplicity and doesn't know much about what it can be like.)
People often mistakenly think they must refer to themselves as median or midcontinuum because:
the frontrunner(s) is/are aware of what's going on at all times. That may just mean there's good continuity and communication between the frontrunner(s) and the others.
their system or group wasn't trauma-created.
the people in the group did not originate with one mind which split or gave birth to other minds.
the group has no person who particularly identifies or is identified as a host or core.
the group has not been diagnosed with multiple personality disorder or dissociative identity disorder.
the group experiences being a gateway system, or experiences everyone in the group as fictives or as having come from outside, as walk-ins.

You might move between various states at different times of your life -- and accounts for groups who feel they are both median and multiple, or median and singlet, etc. (Blackbirds^Lucas & MaliK


[url="http://www.astraeasweb.net/plural/glossary.html#median"]http://www.astraeasweb.net/plural/glossary.html#median[/url]